By Megan Thomas
A lovely new work of non-fiction by the iconic How To Fail’s creator Elizabeth Day, which describes her journey as a “friendaholic”, a state of existence which she has only recently acknowledged as a negative part of her life.
Of course, friendship is a good thing – a healthy and necessary part of living a balanced and meaningful life. However, she realised this was not what she was getting from a lot of the relationships which she would have previously called friendships. Instead of having friends for the many reasons why it’s “good”, which she goes about trying to define over the course of the book, she was collecting people and giving too much of herself (in the process neglecting her truest friends), linking back to a deeply routed fear of being alone. She reflects on how she was confusing surface level popularity with friendship, which she suspects might originate in her childhood where she was friend-less.
While a personal, reflective journey of her own relationships, the book goes a lot further than simply being an anecdotal memoir. Day spoke with a range of different people from all walks of life and interviewed them on their own friendships to paint a fuller picture of not just what it even is, but what it means to different people. She also looks at studies of friendship and their impact throughout history, finding consistent threads throughout of honesty, support, acceptance and open communication.
Reading it made me very grateful for my own relationships and how inherently and unreservedly I trust and respect my friends. They know who they are and if they’re reading this: thank you, I love you.
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